Does anyone understand my pain?

When I’m hurting or when I’ve gone through something very heartbreaking, I immediately want to know that I’m not alone.  I want people to tell me their stories.  I search online forums for situations similar to mine.  I look for books whose stories will give me a big hug.  It is comforting to know that others have experienced the same thing, and I’m not just some weirdo who struggles with things unknown to the rest of the world.  However, I think the main thing I’m looking for when I go searching is hope.  I long to know stories of people who have been in the darkest depths and came out on the other end ok.  I want to know that everything can and will be ok someday.  To be specific, during my miscarriages if a friend had told me “It’s going to be ok”, I think I would have grabbed onto those words and said, “Really? Please convince me of that.”  After my third loss at 16 weeks, I talked to many friends on the phone the very weekend I found out.  I’m not really a phone person, so this was unusual.  Looking back, I’m sure that I just wanted someone to say those words to me - it’s going to be ok.

It’s going to be ok.

When my heart was hurting the most and I felt the most discouraged, I wracked my mind to think of the saddest true story that ended up with a hopeful ending.  The story I picked up was The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom.  I love love love autobiographies, and this book is at the top of the list.  Corrie and her family were involved in hiding Jews during World War II.  Eventually she and her sister ended up at a concentration camp together.  Her story is full of scary situations, fear, anger, sadness, humor, miracles, forgiveness, loss, and hope.  


After my miscarriages I also read true stories of women who had experienced the same thing as me.  Those were a blessing too.  But there was something so powerful about fully stepping out of my heartbreak into a completely different situation.  It took my eyes off of what was hurting so much and convinced me that it was going to be ok.  If these people could make it through, so could I.

If these people could make it through, so could I.

It’s always going to be ok.  Did everyone in Corrie’s story survive and escape the Nazi’s?  No, even her beloved sister, Betsie, died in the concentration camp.    But was Betsie sad that she died?  Did she get to Heaven and throw her hands up in frustration when she met Jesus?  “Ok, give me answers.  Why did I have to die?”  Obviously no.  Once in Heaven Betsie was better off than her best day on earth.  I was reminded of this idea at church a few Sundays ago.  My pastor was talking about the chapter in the Bible where James was killed for his faith while Peter was miraculously released from prison.  Did one have defeat and the other have extreme victory?  James's friends may have been sad, but he wasn’t!


This life here on earth is so precious.  I’m so thankful for life.  But, it is a blink.  It’s incredibly short even for someone who lives to be 100.  After this blink will be eternity.  Think about your biggest heartbreak - it will fade away.  When you see Jesus, you won’t have accusations against him for all the hard things you experienced.  They will fade away and you will step into what your heart has been longing for all along.

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I wrote a children's book about miscarriage and Heaven called Our Heaven Baby.  It's our story of pregnancy all the way to the hope of heaven told from my son's perspective, who was five years old at the time. To order a copy for yourself or a loved one, click here. I hope it is a huge source of hope!

Our Heaven Baby - a children's book on miscarriage and the hope of Heaven